Author Archives: merryli

About merryli

i try to capture whatever sparks the light in me. i am a drama queen and this is my personal soapbox.

wanted: energy

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I agree with Gretchen Rubin when she tackled vitality first in her happiness project. Just 3 days to go before the formal start of my project and i’m still trying to harness all the energy I can muster.

First on my list, which seems so difficult to accomplish, is sleeping early. Since I went back to work from my maternity leave, I’ve been going home late. And to make up for the long workdays, I sleep in during the weekends. This bad habit had screwed my body clock. My erratic sleeping pattern has left me feeling lethargic.

I’m also currently struggling with my belly fat which gets me feeling frustrated every morning when I put on my clothes and nothing fits well. I’m not a fan of sports and i have never hit the gym so this is proving difficult for me to address. I tried cutting back on rice but whatever I lose during meals I gain again courtesy of junk foods.

In preparation for my happiness project action points this month of May, I’ve been going through my past issues of Women’s health. But the talks about calories and diet plans seem alien to me. I can’t totally grasp the concept of counting calorie intakes and fiber and grains.

Given my little inclination for physical activities, these are the simple rules I hope I can stick to starting tomorrow (source/ inspiration: The Belly Melt Diet)

1. Wake up at 6 am and use the stationary bicycle for at least 20 minutes. It’s what we have at home and it’s been ignored for as long as I can remember. It was already in the apartment when I moved in with the hubby.

2. Drink 2 8 oz glasses of water before breakfast (and before every meal).

3. Eat breakfast and prepare lunch baon (at least 3x a week). I already made a menu for the week last Sunday. Nothing special, just less rice. πŸ™‚ Eat lunch at between 11:30 am to 12 pm.

4. Avoid junk foods (bye bye Vcut and Pepero) and snack on healthy foods such as banana, corn, hardboiled egg, yogurt and apple (with skin on).

5. Avoid rice during dinner (as much as possible). Eat Nestle fitnesse cereal for at least 5 dinners. Eat dinner no later than 7 pm.

6. Join the in-house Zumba (kuno!) session in the office every TTH from 8 to 9 pm. Hopefully, I only have to work overtime during TTH too. πŸ˜‰

7. Say goodbye to tv, ipad and iphone at 10 pm. Sometimes I stay up late reading pep.ph, Yes, Star or OK! Magazines. I’ve got to curb my addiction to celebrity gossip too.

8. Try to sleep no later than 11 pm and try to wake up at the same time each day even during weekends. πŸ™‚

Okay, it’s nearing 10 o’clock. Must say goodnight to my ipad. Hopefully, I can stick to these rules. May this post serve as a reminder and a pressure! I can do this, yes I can. πŸ™‚

(By the way, my weight today is 107 lbs, the peak of my belly (stomach out) is at 34.5 inches. I am barely 5 foot tall!. I used to weigh between 90 to 100 lbs. It’s the tummy that has ballooned after giving birth to my 2 sons.)

thank God it’s Friday!

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There is something seriously wrong with me these days.

This morning, I spent almost an hour going through my meagre wardrobe looking for something that would fit. Gaining weight is proving to be a constant source of frustration. I need more Zumba sessions and more discipline to lose my belly fats (from pregnancy) and some pounds (from stress bingeing during the busy season).

We had our first in-house Zumba session in our group yesterday. Just us and the dvd player. πŸ˜€ No instructor. Hopefully, it will turn out to be a regular fitness thing.

Last night, I went to sleep at 2 am. And woke up at almost 11 am! I promised myself I would sleep early this week but there were some important things at work that I had to lose some sleep over. And for two consecutive midnights, the kids wake up as soon as husband and I get through the door. Next week will be different. I hope and I pray.

I can’t concentrate on my job. I’m used to being efficient. I know because I log my tasks every 15 minutes (a habit) in an excel worksheet and I do not like having a pile of files for review in my inbox. I am burnt out. I need more than a day off from work to recover. Hopefully, this weekend will be rejuvenating for me. I am so looking forward to the day out with the girlfriends tomorrow.

Today husband reprimanded me on being nega. To be fair, it’s been a while since i’ve been this negative. I tried to sail through the months of January to March with positive vibes and much enthusiasm. The month of April was the turning point. I’m just drained. I need to regain some semblance of normality in my weekdays and weekends.

Oh well, it’s Friday! Thank God for weekly Fridays. Waiting for hubby for the date night. Loving my life despite of and inspite of. πŸ™‚

here i go again

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(This is a repost from my other blog. For the past weeks, i have created 2 new blogs with posts about my happiness project. I wanted to start fresh. I wanted some anonymity. But now i’m getting confused trying to maintain 3 blogs.)

Here I go again.

It is tax season and i’m stressed and chronically fatigued. I put in long hours at work and feel that I have limited time for family and leisure. My enthusiasm meter which was full, fresh from the new year, is now drained.

This is my 11th year and one would think I would have acclimated by now to the stress and demands of my profession. Big NO. Every year, during this time, I rethink my profession and my decisions. And I end up – still Here!

During these difficult times, I resort to wishful thinking… How I wish I were so rich, I did not have to work one single day! Then I turn to Lotto and hope and pray (with million others) that I win. I don’t. But for some time, I allow myself to dream that I did. Sarap sana!

Same thoughts year in year out. The big joke’s on me πŸ˜‰

I started the year 2013 with positivity and much enthusiasm. I bought The Happiness Project and formulated my initial happiness project. But I have one very difficult opponent – time!

The good news is that this phase is not permanent, it always passes. It is part of an annual cycle I’ve been caught in for the past decade. And as I start another cycle, I decided to give it a twist. Make some small changes. Be more mindful. Take it one day at a time. Be more in control of my behavior. And at the end of the year, I would like to own the experience. I chose this rather than this was imposed on me. At least, i’ll try πŸ™‚

As I struggled to motivate my fatigued self today, I came upon a podcast (The Public Speaker Quick and Dirty Tips) and gathered these grains of wisdom:

> you can’t control anything or anyone else but your behavior
> do whatever you can do to succeed in the environment that YOU CHOSE
> think about possible changes to improve the situation that bothers you
> make the necessary adjustments or move on

Life is a choice. This is my ongoing pursuit – of better, happiness and meaning. Been there, am there, almost there but not yet. πŸ˜€

So much to do, so little time

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I barely have free time. And during those rare times that I do have free time, I don’t get anything done. I want to do so much that I end up… browsing and reading celebrity tsismis at pep.ph or reading Star and OK magazines. πŸ™‚ Entertaining but hardly productive.

It’s been months since I finished reading The Happiness Project and vowed to start a project of my own. I had the best intentions but no time. But finally, April is almost over and work should taper off a bit.

The remaining days of April should be about tying up loose ends at work and gearing myself up for more intentional living starting May. I’ll be needing lots of discipline, structure, good habits and resources. Most importantly, I hope that by some good fate, no major issue will crop up at work that will keep me pre-occupied.

The month of May will be about: Clarity and Positive Energy

1 – Toss, Restore and Organize
2 – Tackle nagging tasks (ie. dental and OB check up, LTO drivers license renewal) – warts removal – check!
3 – Continue beauty regimen
4 – Dance workout and Dinner Diet πŸ˜€ good luck!
5 – Finish reading the book How to Simplify Your Life
6 – Look for inspirations via podcasts, blogs, magazine articles, books

Hopefully, by tackling goals one category at a time, I can make some progress. Life is a work in progress. Looking forward to me version 3.1. going 3.2!

Vanity

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People are staring at me. My head is aching. My face feels weird from the anesthesia which is now starting to wear off. My lesions are starting to hurt and itch. Ouch! I had my facial warts removed today and i’m making a ‘drama’ out of it. The drama queen has found time for drama. Another busy season is over. πŸ™‚

I spent the whole morning since I woke up trying to contact my HMOs. I was a bit guilt-stricken from the spending last week that I felt like scrimping today for the warts removal. Unfortunately, HMO 1 will shoulder only 1K and it has to be done by an accredited doctor (PF!). HMO 2 covers face and neck warts removal but not the face. After making some calculations, I settled on going to a derm clinic where the rates are cheaper. Take the risk. πŸ™‚

I’m not supposed to wash my face for the next 48 hours (oil production!) so i’m taking Monday off (yey!). I’ll be cooped inside the house (blog time)! I can see the light.

May I be able to stick to my beauty regimen and may this ugly duckling πŸ™‚ transform in some way in the coming weeks. It is important to look good to feel good.

Footnotes:

Skin 101 Dermatology/ Cosmetic Surgery Clinic Market! Market! (tel. no. 844-3763) – warts removal for P2,000 (face) + P200 for the Betamycine ointment

not the best of times

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Here I go again, waiting for some miracle to happen. Somewhere along the way of the busy work season, getting and being pregnant, and dealing with one family health woe to another, I lost steam. Life is so unfair. The best intentions and wishful thinking don’t get you to where you want to go, don’t earn you the money you need and don’t take care of domestic issues like rearing a toddler and keeping him healthy.

All those negative thoughts are coming from a tired pregnant working woman who is currently nursing cough and colds and fears for her toddler suffering from the effects of kawasaki disease and for her unborn child. I can’t say I could blame her. But still, this kind of thinking has got to end some time. Hopefully, that time is now.

no excuses

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I hate afternoon naps because each and every time I take one, I wake up feeling bad or nursing a headache.

A lot of thoughts are running through my head but my emotions wouldn’t connect, making them seem like a million miles away. But I don’t want the day to end without me capturing some of those thoughts and getting in touch with my current feelings… some sort of breather, an outlet.

Last Friday, our son’s pediatrician finally (though awfully belatedly) confirmed that he has kawasaki disease. What’s worse is that, his sickness is pass the so-called “golden period” of detection and medication of 10 days. The first questions to my and my husband’s minds were: “what kind of pediatrician would fail to diagnose the disease even though the idea was already brought up by another doctor? and what kind of parents are we to ‘allow’ the doctor not to diagnose our son properly and not to have asked for more tests to be done, not to have been more observant? why didn’t we resort to a more in-depth research in google and made our own ‘diagnosis’?”

I’ve always known I was not the best mother. I am an absentee mommy. I thought motherly love (ie. lots of hugs and kisses), best intentions and financial support were enough to protect and help my son grow up. In real life, motherhood is much much more than that. I don’t have the answers though on how I could be better at this. I feel that I already wasted too much time and opportunities to make things right as a mother. My son is almost three. Can I still make it up to him?

I would soon be back to work and realistically speaking, I would soon be so absorbed in my job that I would soon forget my resolve to be a better mother. It’s a cycle I can’t seem to break. I need help so badly. For underprivileged moms like me, we can only do so much. Still, I should give it a try. No ifs, no buts.

an attempt to write again

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I want to write again. So this is a try, though it’s mostly a rant, a form of therapy.

Ghosts from work are still haunting me, i’m trying to brace myself for anticipated client issues and problems. I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help myself. I have the tendency to be a mild worrywart, especially for things at work that are beyond my control. I still have to learn to completely let go, to shrug off issues and leave them at work. My colleagues keep telling me not to let the stress get to me and the baby in my tummy.

I’ve always struggled a bit in my career, mostly due to my introverted personality. When I talk to God, I always ask for courage, strength and wisdom because i’ve always been weak, shy and not assertive.

I’m thankful though that despite the negative thoughts nagging at me, I still sleep well at night except during those times when my toddler wakes up in the middle of the night to ask for milk.

My toddler has become so malambing these days that it warms my heart (most of the time, at least) and his smile and hugs and kisses keep me sane. I’m also grateful for my husband who is always there for me. Just knowing I have them to go home to everyday makes me feel secure and happy and forget (even if briefly) the worries and troubles being an adult in this world brings. I’ve always been like this but I’ve observed that i’ve become less worrisome as the years go by. Maybe with more experience and years behind me, I’ll finally learn to be assertive and a bit nonchalant at work (like I am in some aspects of my life). Here’s to the best intentions for 2012. Cheers!