Category Archives: and

i’m posting every week for the second half of 2011!

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I’m reaching a big milestone in my life this August – I’m turning 30! – and I’ve decided I want to blog more. I’m starting right now. I will be posting on this blog at least once a week for the rest of 2011.

I know it won’t be easy and I might come up with a million excuses, but it will be fun, inspiring, awesome and simply wonderful if I could just do it. Therefore i’m promising to make use of The DailyPost, and the community of other bloggers with similar goals, to help me along the way, including asking for help when I need it and encouraging others when I can.

If you already read my blog, I hope you’ll encourage me with comments and likes, and good will along the way.

Signed,

pinkpadandfingertips

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the promise a cloud holds

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I wrote this ‘short story’ some time in high school.

The Promise A Cloud Holds
Lianne Valdez 1998

Intense heat radiated from the sun yet I felt a spine-chilling breeze envelop my whole being. Today’s the 3rd day of the last week of March. Periodical tests were finally over so here I am sitting on a bench under the mahogany tree with mind and body set on some relaxation and idling. Absent-mindedly, I riveted my gaze to the skies up above. My sight lingered there for a moment until it focused on a lone cloud. I was hypnotized by its simple charm and before I knew it, memories of a sweet voice barged in. It was of someone I’ve spent almost all of my time with two long years ago. It was your voice.

“I wish I were a cloud!” was your favorite statement and whenever I gave my negation, you add jokingly, “Don’t you want it? I could watch over you.” You used to walk me home and we spent some time on top of a hill we claimed our own. Under the sky ablaze with bright orange and purple hues, we shared and laughed over silly jokes. We talked about our future until light succumbs to darkness.

We were almost inseparable. You were always the jolly one, very optimistic. You were my constant companion and a very good friend – my light in this bleak world. Of course, we had our own share of misunderstandings. One of which caused most of my bitterness…

It was a day of two years ago when we both flared up. I understood the fact that you were having headaches. What I couldn’t accept was your indifference and coldness towards me. We parted for summer without patching things up. I went to visit a relative for 3 weeks. We never communicated or at least, you didn’t. At that span of time I began to think of you and me and decided to make up with you when I return home. I thought it could wait but I learned the hard way. Time passed by fleetingly and there I was, jumping the last steps to our home, only to be met with a deafening silence. Everyone at home was acting weird. I subconsciously knew what was coming yet I was greatly shocked. I felt numb and oblivious to everything else around me. No tears left my eye. I just stood there – wide-eyed, knees trembling. I knew you were sick but I never thought it would come to this. My mind shouted total indifference.

I stubbornly denied the fact until I saw you in that coffin – calm, composed and achingly handsome. It felt like a dam was opened and reality flowed, almost drowning me. Tears welled and I cried until I was hoarse but it was not enough to exhaust me of my grief and the pain of your loss. What hurts me more is the fact that you were gone without hearing me say “I’m sorry.”

That day and the other days that passed were all a nightmare. I was like a robot – eating, sleeping yet oblivious to everything else around me. I was a living zombie until I finally had the guts to read your very last letter. The end part of it jerked me soul-deep.

No matter what happens, I’ll be a cloud watching and loving you from up above. Please live on.

From that day on, I tried to live back to normal. It was hard but with the help of my family and friends, I somehow made it through. Though whenever I see a cloud, memories of you rushes back to me.

I wiped the tears rolling down my cheeks. I stood up and threw the cloud one last glance. As I opened the school gate, I decided to bury memories of you. It was a difficult decision but if I had to live on, I would have to forget. The clouds will always be there, I don’t want to suffer forever.

Maybe someday, I will come back and reminisce once again thoughts of you. That is, when the pain of your loss no longer brings mist to my eyes.

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the young ‘poet’ in me

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While visiting home briefly for the wake of a dear aunt, I decided to dig up my old journal which contained poems and short stories I conjured in my high school years. I also have one bound collection of my own ‘masterpieces’ aptly titled ‘Thoughts and Memories’. I believe I was a better writer when I was in my teens than I am now.

Browsing through my journal, I read a mixture of poignancy and happiness.
Here’s a sample:

Wanderer

Flowers smiling in the twilight
Brings me pain more intense than night
Blissfulness is a strange word to me,
I’m as melancholic as could be.

Laughter, where can I find you?
You left me forever blue.
A lonely cloud drifted by the breeze –
The rain to pour is my only wish.

I must have been good with words then and such a drama queen. I can’t imagine myself putting together a poem nowadays.

Role models

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When i was in my youth, i used to look up to women like Gloria Arroyo and Loren Legarda. But as i grew older, i got disillusioned, critical and at times cynical. I thought they were perfect but they turned out not to be and so for a long time now, i have not truly admired somebody. I have become dispassionate and at times indifferent but if i am to grow as a person, i recognize the need to have a role model, an inspiration.

I made two uncoventional choices – Kris aquino and Oprah.
Kris aquino because she is flawed and made a lot of mistakes but isn’t ashamed of who she is and embraces her being.
Oprah because eventhough she had a traumatic childhood, she outgrew that and has gone on to touch the lives of many.

They both earn lots of money doing the things they want, fulfilling their destiny and they now have the option to give back and they choose to.

it only takes a spark

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I am supposed to be a successful and career-driven woman. Afterall, I graduated with honors, passed the board exams and have had a good career head start.
And then suddenly, I was lost. I don’t know what I want anymore and I don’t have the drive to aim for more.

I want to do something else. I want to write. I want to design. I want to edit photos and make invites. I want to blog.

I need help and counseling. I need a mentor. I need someone to look up to.
And I also need money, lots of them.

I am okay. I mean, I am happy that i have my hubby and son and that we are blessed to have more than enough for our needs and wants. But as I get older and wiser (I hope), I begin to question myself, is this it? Is life just supposed to be about me and my family and friends. Aren’t we supposed to have a purpose, a deeper meaning, to touch lives and all that?

This then brings me to my next endeavour – to obtain financial freedom so that I can do what I want in my own time. I can also start giving back to others. But this is not feasible at the moment unless I win the lotto. Oh how I hope and fervently pray I will!

Life is difficult. That’s a fact. Most of us are born to work hard for what we want. Entitlement mentality is a no-no.

So what’s an ordinary woman to do? ….Accept the things that she cannot change (at the moment) and make the most of those under her control.

And so I continue to embrace my job. After all it brings in the money. But also, i try to maximise use of my free time to learn a little more each day, to be a better person, wifey and mommy, to find what sparks the light in me and to sustain that spark so that in my own simple way i can enlighten the world one thought at a time, with the help of my pinkpad and fingertips.