Category Archives: pinkpad

thank God it’s Friday!

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There is something seriously wrong with me these days.

This morning, I spent almost an hour going through my meagre wardrobe looking for something that would fit. Gaining weight is proving to be a constant source of frustration. I need more Zumba sessions and more discipline to lose my belly fats (from pregnancy) and some pounds (from stress bingeing during the busy season).

We had our first in-house Zumba session in our group yesterday. Just us and the dvd player. πŸ˜€ No instructor. Hopefully, it will turn out to be a regular fitness thing.

Last night, I went to sleep at 2 am. And woke up at almost 11 am! I promised myself I would sleep early this week but there were some important things at work that I had to lose some sleep over. And for two consecutive midnights, the kids wake up as soon as husband and I get through the door. Next week will be different. I hope and I pray.

I can’t concentrate on my job. I’m used to being efficient. I know because I log my tasks every 15 minutes (a habit) in an excel worksheet and I do not like having a pile of files for review in my inbox. I am burnt out. I need more than a day off from work to recover. Hopefully, this weekend will be rejuvenating for me. I am so looking forward to the day out with the girlfriends tomorrow.

Today husband reprimanded me on being nega. To be fair, it’s been a while since i’ve been this negative. I tried to sail through the months of January to March with positive vibes and much enthusiasm. The month of April was the turning point. I’m just drained. I need to regain some semblance of normality in my weekdays and weekends.

Oh well, it’s Friday! Thank God for weekly Fridays. Waiting for hubby for the date night. Loving my life despite of and inspite of. πŸ™‚

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here i go again

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(This is a repost from my other blog. For the past weeks, i have created 2 new blogs with posts about my happiness project. I wanted to start fresh. I wanted some anonymity. But now i’m getting confused trying to maintain 3 blogs.)

Here I go again.

It is tax season and i’m stressed and chronically fatigued. I put in long hours at work and feel that I have limited time for family and leisure. My enthusiasm meter which was full, fresh from the new year, is now drained.

This is my 11th year and one would think I would have acclimated by now to the stress and demands of my profession. Big NO. Every year, during this time, I rethink my profession and my decisions. And I end up – still Here!

During these difficult times, I resort to wishful thinking… How I wish I were so rich, I did not have to work one single day! Then I turn to Lotto and hope and pray (with million others) that I win. I don’t. But for some time, I allow myself to dream that I did. Sarap sana!

Same thoughts year in year out. The big joke’s on me πŸ˜‰

I started the year 2013 with positivity and much enthusiasm. I bought The Happiness Project and formulated my initial happiness project. But I have one very difficult opponent – time!

The good news is that this phase is not permanent, it always passes. It is part of an annual cycle I’ve been caught in for the past decade. And as I start another cycle, I decided to give it a twist. Make some small changes. Be more mindful. Take it one day at a time. Be more in control of my behavior. And at the end of the year, I would like to own the experience. I chose this rather than this was imposed on me. At least, i’ll try πŸ™‚

As I struggled to motivate my fatigued self today, I came upon a podcast (The Public Speaker Quick and Dirty Tips) and gathered these grains of wisdom:

> you can’t control anything or anyone else but your behavior
> do whatever you can do to succeed in the environment that YOU CHOSE
> think about possible changes to improve the situation that bothers you
> make the necessary adjustments or move on

Life is a choice. This is my ongoing pursuit – of better, happiness and meaning. Been there, am there, almost there but not yet. πŸ˜€

not the best of times

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Here I go again, waiting for some miracle to happen. Somewhere along the way of the busy work season, getting and being pregnant, and dealing with one family health woe to another, I lost steam. Life is so unfair. The best intentions and wishful thinking don’t get you to where you want to go, don’t earn you the money you need and don’t take care of domestic issues like rearing a toddler and keeping him healthy.

All those negative thoughts are coming from a tired pregnant working woman who is currently nursing cough and colds and fears for her toddler suffering from the effects of kawasaki disease and for her unborn child. I can’t say I could blame her. But still, this kind of thinking has got to end some time. Hopefully, that time is now.

an attempt to write again

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I want to write again. So this is a try, though it’s mostly a rant, a form of therapy.

Ghosts from work are still haunting me, i’m trying to brace myself for anticipated client issues and problems. I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help myself. I have the tendency to be a mild worrywart, especially for things at work that are beyond my control. I still have to learn to completely let go, to shrug off issues and leave them at work. My colleagues keep telling me not to let the stress get to me and the baby in my tummy.

I’ve always struggled a bit in my career, mostly due to my introverted personality. When I talk to God, I always ask for courage, strength and wisdom because i’ve always been weak, shy and not assertive.

I’m thankful though that despite the negative thoughts nagging at me, I still sleep well at night except during those times when my toddler wakes up in the middle of the night to ask for milk.

My toddler has become so malambing these days that it warms my heart (most of the time, at least) and his smile and hugs and kisses keep me sane. I’m also grateful for my husband who is always there for me. Just knowing I have them to go home to everyday makes me feel secure and happy and forget (even if briefly) the worries and troubles being an adult in this world brings. I’ve always been like this but I’ve observed that i’ve become less worrisome as the years go by. Maybe with more experience and years behind me, I’ll finally learn to be assertive and a bit nonchalant at work (like I am in some aspects of my life). Here’s to the best intentions for 2012. Cheers!

a farewell note

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This week, two colleagues bade us goodbye. Since I got back, almost all of the staff I worked with previously have moved on to other job opportunities. It’s quite sad and heartbreaking to see people go, especially those whom you have shared fond memories and bonded with over difficult and stressful client moments.

But, realistically, that’s just the way life is. People come and go. Change is inevitable. We all need to make choices and embrace changes sometimes, in order to grow and find ourselves and what makes us happy and gives us fulfillment. I speak from experience.

Once upon a time, I also had to leave my first job to fulfill an answered prayer of being given the chance to work abroad. It was a frightening but brave move for me. On the night before my last day, I wrote this farewell note and posted it together with a short video to thank the people I have worked with for almost five years:

This is just me trying to find a unique way to say, “so long”.

I take tonight as the eve of a graduation day. I’m a mixture of emotions.
I feel excited and yet at the same time melancholic.
I’m looking forward to an upcoming adventure yet memories of my five audit seasons in the office keep flashing before my teary eyes.
This is both ‘goodbye’ and ‘not goodbye but so long’.
This is bittersweet.

My stay in the office has changed me a lot. I’ve grown up.
I’ve overcome my shyness. I fostered new and deep relationships.
I have had first-time experiences. I have been to different places.
I have fulfilled some of my dreams and accomplished things I always hoped I would.

Busy seasons are tough but I will always look back to those years with a sense of pride and accomplishment.
Eventhough I’m guilty of complaining a lot about our work, the clients and the deadlines, it breaks my heart to say goodbye to a place I have spent countless hours in – working, taking pictures, laughing, crying, eating…. the list just goes on and on. It is harder still to say goodbye to the people whom I have had the chance to work, play, laugh, argue, cry and talk with during the fun and difficult times in audit.

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I’m sad that I have to close this chapter in my life, yet I’m glad and will forever be grateful that I met and had the chance to work with the best and brightest people with big hearts.

Thank you so much and God bless.

Don’t be dismayed at goodbyes, a farewell is necessary before you can meet again and meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends. – Richard Bach

my current mantra

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Hello blog, its been a while!

I’ve been using a lot of brainpower the past month that I didn’t have enough brain energy left to write. But now i’m back to my musings and self-reflection ( at least, the part I am comfortable sharing).

It’s been more than a month since I commenced my new (old) job and i’m amazed at my new-found discipline of waking up early and being at work before 8 am, sometimes as early as 6:30 am. It is a successful collaboration with my husband who goes out of his way (literally and figuratively) to bring me to the office on most days of the week. I just don’t know how long it will last though as the busiest work days are now looming and I am particular on getting enough sleep due to my iron-deficiency anemia.

Being at work early gives me a valid reason to go home early, at least whenever I can. I have an issue with nerves (and worry) so I try not to leave with something crucial hanging over my head. One of my secrets to work peace of mind is to make a quick list of my to-do’s for tomorrow. When i’m satisfied that the list (plus unexpected issues cropping up) will not be overwhelming, I feel free to walk out the door with no laptop in tow. I make exceptions for important occasions such as date with hubby and meet-up with friends and I compensate by praying harder or going to work earlier than usual.

On hindsight, I think the key to longevity in this job is to avoid being burnt out. That’s why I make time for myself and my family. I also try not to be deeply absorbed in the daily challenges of the job. It’s not easy when you’re re-learning and new things pop up non-stop (parang pringles lang). Nonetheless, I try to leave the worries on my desk at the end of each day and not rant about them at home. …Although sometimes they still crop up in my dreams – the power of subconscious mind.

People ask why I’m back in the first place. Well, my job engages and enriches me though admittedly, it also stresses me out on some days. I have a love-hate relationship with my work. But then, who doesn’t?

My current mantra (which I borrowed from Martha Beck’s article in O! November issue) is:

I refuse to burn. I claim the time it takes to make me happy!

Hopefully, this mantra will help me ride it out season-in season-out.

(Note to self: Read this again if ever I’ll find it hard to drag myself to work.)

Choose peace over panic. It’s a skill that would take regular practice to master. In the long run, it is most beneficial (for physical and mental well-being) to find time to chill when things heat up.